Join us Friday, July 14th for a private recital and shed show, featuring 3 Star Hotdogs and our own mascot Spanky. We will provide unsanctioned entertainment from 7-10pm at a need-to-know location somewhere in the heart of Tremont.
Tip: locate the sound of insufferable strumming, then head west and follow the smell of roasting wieners. If you see a tuba, you’re in the right place. Flash the secret hand signal and you’re in! Be cool, don’t let the po-po know what’s going down!
Cleveland’s longest running artwalk will be the setting for our latest rock-star neutral performance. Set against the until recently affordable neighborhood and soon to burst entertainment bubble on Professor, Malphonia will surely provide a stark contrast to the high rolling, valet-parking, weekend adult playground with their grumpy, un-amplified, centuries spanning repertoire this Friday, August 14, from 6-9PM.
Come down and watch uncomfortable suburbanites try not to make eye contact with the band as they stroll past looking for the latest “eatery” that looks just like a place from another part of the country may have looked at one point in history. Leave early in deadly fear of the sudden rash of car jackings. Squeal in amazement and pity at the people who “actually live here”.
Note: please don’t talk to the horn player, his mouth is busy. Also, the drum set is NOT a seat, no matter how cute you are. However, comments about how your uncle or grandpa used to play accordion are always welcome.
Gray clouds and a cool, autumn breeze greeted us as we prepared for a semi-sanctioned appearance during the Tremont Artwalk. We decided to set up very near the epicenter of West 6 Street inspired binging, also known as the Treehouse. Trusting in The Lord, we decided to situate ourselves in front of St John Cantius, the venerable Polish Catholic Church in the neighborhood, praying that at least our polkas would be heard in heaven and might redeem our progressive souls.
Our performance was largely met with averted eyes. “Don’t look at them, Heather, we need every dollar for our Tremontinis! Besides, they don’t even have amplifiers.” The crowds seemed to mock us with their polite indifference.
A few souls did stop to listen, and showed their appreciation by dropping a few dollars in the horn case–“Nothing is Free” said a flyer promoting the band. And indeed, we paid dearly…
Any musician knows that there are several archetypes of spectator one can encounter while playing in a public, accessible venue, and they were well represented even on this sparse night. From the appreciative friends who take the time to sit and listen, to the folks who seem intent in engaging in a conversation whilst one is playing, to the freaks who are suddenly experts on your repertoire and all things musical. “I’m in the music business–you wouldn’t know who I am–it would take too long to explain and it doesn’t matter” begins one fellow, “… but” and he utters the three dreaded words, “you guys should…” the whole while WE’RE PLAYING. It would take too long to explain and it doesn’t matter, but he informed us of which songs we needed to play in order to garner certain sexual favors. Fortunately he was interrupted by his equally well informed friend who eagerly informed us that “you guys should” play here on the second Friday, when it’s Artwalk, because there would be, like, FIVE HUNDRED people walking up and down the sidewalk.
*sigh*
All in all it was a modest, yet fun evening, taking our earnings over to the Literary Cafe where we were able to purchase one round and still have enough left over to tip the lovely barkeep a dollar. Yeah baby. Don’t tell the musicians union!
If you want to catch Malphonia soon, join us tomorrow, Sep. 14, at One World Festival
